I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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