about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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