My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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