I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
