did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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