just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
