One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
