who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
