im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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