Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
