I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
