i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
