it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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