he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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