This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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