On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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