i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
