Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
