Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
