Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
