HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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