you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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