I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
