I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Boobs speak an international language.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
