I want to have your abortion
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's shark week go big or go home
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
