Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
