people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We had to coat check the pizza.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
