You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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