I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
