After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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