How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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