she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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