remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
