My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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