I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
