then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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