Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He passed out mid-signature
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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