I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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