is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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