So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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