My brain says no but my pants say off.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
