You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
