Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
