I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
