it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
