It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
