mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
