I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
