the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
