I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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