i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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