a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
