C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
