I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
