I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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