Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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