My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize