the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
