that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
