Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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