I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my poor anus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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