we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I love you.
Bad choice
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