The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
