Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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