Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
