I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
